


Supermarket Flowers

by BlazersEtc



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, Depression, M/M, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 15:58:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10131221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazersEtc/pseuds/BlazersEtc
Summary: Oh I'm in pieces it's tearing me up but I knowA heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved.  Alec dies and leaves Magnus and Jace to try and survive.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot is unbetaed and you really should listen to ‘Supermarket Flowers’ by Ed Sheeran while you read, if you have the type of brain that can do that because the song is what I wrote the fic to.

Jace is sure he's never felt pain like this before. When Alec had died on him, just a few months earlier, there was still a small thread holding Alec near, and he'd come back so quickly that Jace hadn't had time to fully process the situation, but now, holding Alec's body, so cold it was like ice, blood covering Jace's hand from the wound on Alec's chest, he knows he's never felt anything worse.

The battle is over, the Shadowhunters have won, but Alec hasn't. Jace had always expected Alec to outlive him. Alec, the one who always had a rational plan to replace Jace's reckless one, Alec who planned everything out before he did it, Alec who was willing to give himself up to save someone, he was the one who hadn't survived. Jace had felt it the moment it happened, the pain so immense that Jace had collapsed in the middle of battle, a tortured scream pulling from his lips. If Magnus hadn't been close Jace would have died as well. The second Jace could move again he was running for Alec, who'd collapsed on the ground and was choking on....blood. So much blood.

Jace applied an Irizate, began drawing them all over Alec's body, but they weren't working, no matter how many Jace applied the bleeding wouldn't stop. Jace couldn't help but watch Alec slip away, his hand tightly gripping onto his parabatai's. "Be there for each other." Alec breathed between a cough and a wheeze and Jace didn't bother to ask who Alec was talking about, it didn't matter right now, what mattered was Alec.

"Alec..." Jace knew he was crying but he didn't care who saw, the Clave and his parents be damned, his parabatai was dying and there was no going back.

"Thank you, Jace. For being my parabatai." Alec coughed again, his eyes fluttering as he fought to keep them open. "I love you." Alec managed, trying to squeeze Jace's hand back.

"I love you too, Alec."

"Tell him...tell him I loved him. " It was the last thing that fell from Alec's lips before he coughed again and his breathing stopped.

"Alec? ALEC?! No, no, you can't leave me...." Jace sobbed, pulling Alec into his arms, not caring that he was covering himself in blood in the process. Pain was tearing through his body at a rate that Jace couldn't handle, white hot like a metal dagger that had been lit with the fires of hell. When someone dropped beside him Jace could hardly tell who it was until he saw a blur of blue in his vision. _Magnus._

"Alexander..." Magnus's voice broke and Jace didn't need to look up to know that Magnus was crying too.  
++++++++  
Jace forces himself to go to the funeral. He fights tooth and nail for Magnus to be allowed to attend and finally those around him break and allow it. The pair stand together through the ceremony, but they don't speak, neither able to trust themselves with words. Jace feels like he's watching something on TV instead of living through it and when Alec's body burns Jace can't handle it anymore, he runs, leaving Magnus on his own.  
+++++++++++  
Two weeks pass and Jace hasn't returned. Izzy hasn't heard from him, the institute is sure he's run off or gone rouge and they don't even bother to put him on a wanted list. So when he shows up at Magnus's door, eyes red, dark circles under his eyes, holes in his clothes and blood on his face; Magnus is a little surprised.

"I...didn't know where else to go." Jace croaks and Magnus opens the door for him and the blonde steps inside. Jace notices that Magnus doesn't look much better than he does, though there's no blood on the other man's face he still looks like he's been through hell.

"He loved you." Jace blurts out, his voice weak as he tugs at the sleeves of his stretched out sweater. "He...he told me to tell you when he..." Jace's voice shakes again and he feels like he's going to lose his mind again. There is such a hole in his soul, a hole that Alec used to fill. The little ball of warmth in his chest that Jace knew was Alec is now filled with a void, one that Jace isn't sure he'll ever get used to.

Magnus seems to understand what Jace means because he nods, "For what it's worth, I loved him too."

Magnus's own voice is weak and when Jace finally glances up he sees that Magnus's loft is littered with empty bottles and a broken vase, that based on the mark on the wall, was thrown by Magnus in a fit of agony. There's a few pillows and blankets on the floor and empty takeout containers on the table and Jace knows that Magnus is taking it just as bad as he is.

"If you want to stay here again....I haven't moved your things."

Jace glances to where Magnus and Alec's shared bedroom is and notes the bit of dust around the door-Magnus hasn't been back in there since Alec died.

"You've been sleeping on the couch, haven't you?" Jace's voice is quiet as he leans against the back of the couch, even standing seems to take too much effort now.

"I...It's a place we shared....where we had our most private moments, I can't...."

Jace nods, "Yeah. I get it." Jace looks back at his shoes, noting how much dirt and blood are on them and his heart gives a little twist. He hadn't gone back to the institute since Alec's funeral, instead he'd spent his time picking off every stray demon he could find, getting into some street fights just trying to feel something, and the thing he wants most he can never have again-for Alec to tell him it's going to be okay.

Jace wants to go back to the institute, to go to Alec's room and go through his things before his parents can give everything away, but it hurts too much to go alone and Jace can't face Izzy right now.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

The words seem so out of place that Jace almost laughs but instead he just looks up with pain clear in his eyes.

"It's your loss too. No offense but you look as bad as I do."

Magnus doesn't even fight Jace on the comment and that's how Jace knows Magnus really is down.

"That I do."

There is a silence between them for a moment before Jace feels water on his hands and realizes he's crying. Sobs are wracking his body and he can't control his shaking any longer. Magnus moves to his side and places a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him and Jace leaned his head on Magnus's shoulder.

"It's not fair, Mags." Jace's voice cracks and Magnus nods, tears starting to fall from his own eyes.

"No, it's not. He was too young, too good."

Jace clung tighter to Magnus, closing his eyes against the pain. Magnus was the one person in this world who knew what Jace was going through, and Jace was done running and fighting and trying to be strong. Jace needed more than anything to break, where someone could help put him back together.

It took several hours for the pair to calm down enough to talk, both with eyes dry from crying and that night after Magnus had magicked away some of the mess and Jace had showered, they fell asleep, side by side on the couch.  
++++++++++  
Jace gets a tattoo the next day, right in the spot where his parabatai rune used to be. He perfectly outlines the parabatai rune in the same place it used to be, with Alec's initials inside, and the pain of the needle is enough to distract him for a few hours while he makes sure there is something permanent on his body that belongs to Alec. When it's finished Jace looks in the mirror and his heart breaks all over again, the rune might be there but Alec's soul is not.   
+++++++++++++  
Jace brings a bag of his things from the institute, clothes, toiletries, some books, his stele and his phone,promising to keep in touch with Izzy. He's still a Shadowhunter but right now he needs some time and since the Shadowhunters had won the battle there wasn't too much activity to worry about, which meant the Clave had allowed Jace some time off.

When Jace unpacks he puts all his own belongings away, leaving two items in the bottom of his bag. He takes a quick shower before grabbing those two items. He places Alec's stele on top of his dresser where he can see it and pulls Alec's sweater over his head before climbing into bed.

The sweater still smells a little like Alec and it makes Jace's heart twist, but he knows that soon the smell will fade and all he'll have left of Alec will be memories, so he suffers through the pain to keep Alec as close as he can.

As Magnus walks past Jace's door on the way to his room, previously the guest room, he catches a glance of Jace through the cracked door and smiles a little.  
+++++++++++++++++++++  
It's two months after Alec's death and Jace and Magnus are still learning to cope. Jace still feels empty on most days, and Magnus still has moments when Jace is sure he'd not even noticing anything around him, but they're slowly starting to get back to a routine, even if they're not fully invested in it. On the worst of the day's the boys are there to support each other. When Jace comes home covered in blood, a giant gash in his arm and no desire to heal it, Magnus uses his magic to heal Jace and hold him when he breaks down on the kitchen floor. When Magnus comes back from a meeting with a client, completely silent and ignoring any of Jace's questions, Jace just sits with him and reminds him of how Alec would want him to be happy, until Magnus finally breaks down and Jace carries him to bed.

The cycle repeats this way as time goes on, each boy there for the other trying desperately to cope with a loss neither was ready for. Reassuring pats on the back turn into hugs, and late nights on the couch eating unhealthy snacks and trying not to fall back into despair end with both boys cuddling on the couch, and the reassuring touches soon morph their way into gentle kisses.

Over a year later, Jace is laying beside Magnus in bed. There is a warm breeze floating in through the open window and the sound of the city as night as floating in with it. Jace looks at the shirtless warlock beside him and Alec's words echo back into his mind. _Be there for each other._ For that moment Jace can almost feel Alec there with them, and he knows what Alec was talking about. The two people who needed Alec the most, being there for each other and keeping the other from doing something Alec wouldn't have wanted for either of them.

Jace brushed Magnus's hair from his face and looks out the window to the sparkling lights of the city.

"We will, Alec. Promise."


End file.
